Old man one arm lifting a heaving dumbbell.

Things I Have Shouted While Working Out

On June 1st, 2016 in SHOUTING

GONNA GET SWOL. GONNA PUNCH DEATH RIGHT IN THE FACE WHEN HE COMES FOR ME.

GONNA PICK UP ALL THE CHICKS. GONNA IMPRESS ALL THE PEOPLE AT THE PETTING ZOO WITH MY DEFINED AS HECK ARMS AS SCOOP THEM TOWARD ME.

MOVING SO FAST MY BREATHE CAN’T EVEN KEEP UP WITH ME. GONNA RUN DEATH TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF WORKING ON MY ARMS IF THEY’RE STUCK IN SLEEVES BECAUSE OF THIS UNENDING WINTER?

MY DUMB LIZARD BRAIN LOVES ACHIEVING ARBITRARY BENCHMARKS.

GONNA BE A BUFF NERD.  GONNA  HOLD UP THE BUFF NERD LEGACY WITH PRIDE. GONNA HOLD IT. GONNA KEEP. ON. HOLD- DONE BEAT MY BEST TIME.

CLAIRE.

THEY’RE CALLED RESISTANCE BANDS BECAUSE THEY HELP ME RESIST ATROPHY. ALSO DEATH.

GONNA BECOME A PASTOR AND WHEN PEOPLE COME FOR CONFESSION GONNA LIFT MY SHIRT AND ABS -OLVE THEM.

NO, I WILL NOT STOP CALLING DEADLIFTS BEND-AND-SNAPS.

THAT WAS EXHAUSTING. GONNA LAY DOWN HERE AND LET DEATH TAKE ME.