Creepy doll in front of a bike.

Things I Have Shouted At My New Bike

On June 13th, 2016 in SHOUTING

SO MANY BUGS IN MY FACEHOLES.

GONNA RIDE INTO SO MANY SUNSETS.

GONNA OUT PEDAL DEATH THEMSELF.

I AM A BIKER NOW. GONNA JOIN A GANG. ALREADY GOT THE BANDANA. IT’S FOR EARACHES.

YOU LIKE BEING LUBED UP AND RECHAINED DON’T YOU? YOU DIRTY, DIRTY BIKE.

*AGGRESSIVELY PRETENDS TO BE ON THE RUN IN A YA DYSTOPIA*

WHY DOES IT MOVE DOWN TO THE SMALLER GEAR WHEN I UPSHIFT AND UP TO THE BIG GEAR WHEN I DOWNSHIFT? THIS IS WHY EVERYONE HATES PHYSICS.

WHY DO WE STILL SPELL IT DÉRAILLEUR IF WE’RE ALL JUST GOING TO SAY DERAILER ANYWAY?

THIS SHOULD NOT BE HARD. I AM AN ENGINEER AND YOU ARE A SIMPLE MECHANICAL DEVICE.

MY BUTT HURTS MORE THAN THAT TIME [REDACTED].

DOWNHILL RIDING IS GREAT I DON’T EVER WANT TO BRAKE OR STOP EVER AGAIN. JUST GONNA COAST UNTIL I RUN OUT OF MOMENTUM AND THAT WILL BE WHERE I LIVE NOW.

GONNA PEDAL AWAY ALL MY FRUSTRATIONS. GONNA PEDAL AWAY FROM THEM. AROUND THE CORNER AND INTO THE WOODS WHERE THEY’LL NEVER FIND ME.

EVERYONE IS SO FRIENDLY AND SMILEY ON THE TRAIL BUT NO ONE STOPS TO TALK. THE PERFECT COMBO.

THIS BIKE TRAIL ENDS AT A WAWA EVERYTHING IS PERFECT ABOUT BIKING