Audrey Hepburn clutching cat in raind in Breakfast at Tiffany's

Things I Have Shouted At Cats

On April 26th, 2016 in SHOUTING

I DON’T KNOW IF I AM GENUINELY THIS EXCITED TO SEE YOU OR IF I HAVE ONE OF THOSE BRAIN PARASITES. I DON’T KNOW IF I CARE, EITHER

NO I CAN’T SEE YOU BEHIND THE BLINDS. YOU ARE A NATURAL BORN HUNTER.

YOU ARE A STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE. A TRASHBALL OF FUR WITH SCRAP METAL CLAWS. I WANT TEN OF YOU.

I’M SORRY IT WAS OVERCAST AND THE SUNBEAMS YOU SIT IN WEREN’T AS WARM AS USUAL. LIFE HOLDS CHALLENGES FOR ALL OF US.

GONNA GET A CRADLE AND PUT YOU IN IT AND NEVER STOP SINGING THAT SONG ABOUT CATS IN CRADLES WITH SILVER SPOONS.

NO I CAN’T SEE YOU UNDER THAT CHAIR. YOU SEND PREY TREMBLING AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF YOU.

YOUR EYES ARE ENDLESS POOLS OF INDIFFERENCE AND THAT IS WHY I’M DRAWN TO YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOPHER. I AM GLAD YOU ARE DOING WELL FOR YOURSELF OUTDOORS.

NO I CANNOT SEE YOU SITTING THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM. TRULY YOU ARE THE APEX PREDATOR IN THIS HOUSE.

YOU CAN DENY IT ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN NOT PRODUCE THIS MUCH FUR AND THEN TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT HOW TO BREAK THE SECOND LAW.

NO I WILL NOT STOP DOING MY AUDREY HEPBURN IMPRESSION AT YOU.

THANK YOU FOR RESPECTING ME ENOUGH TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES WHILE YOU DESTROY MY STUFF.

IT’S JUST YOUR SHADOW, IDIOT.