Les miserables movie image.

Les Miserable, I Assume

On December 12th, 2016 in I Assume

Les is a very sad girl. She is also the main character, so you can see how sad she is on the poster. In fact she is so sad you might say she is MISERABLE.

Les Misérables, I assume

She is sad because because she was born into poverty by chance, but kept there by the systematic oppression of the poor in general, and women specifically.

All parts are performed with British accents because it is an AU history where the English won the Hundred Years’ War and maintain control of France.

Helena Bonham Carter reprises her role as Mrs. Lovett.

The working class is under a lot of pressure from the ruling class and has asked for an extension on their deadline of just one day more, which is really not a lot to ask for in my opinion.

Jean Valjean is a prisoner. His crime? Being the type of person who introduces himself and uses the line “a man so nice, they named me twice”. His term is for life and he is never heard from again after his brief intro scene.

The only person sadder than Les is her friend. Her friend plays opposite her in a love triangle, so her name is probably also the opposite of hers, Sel.

Sel stalks Eddie Redmayne and constantly sings about how sad she is that she is not with Eddie Redmayne. If it were anyone else I would say it is simply a musical theater trope constructed within a patriarchal paradigm, but I am pretty sure we all drive to the beach every morning and rend our clothes, singing lamentations that we are not with Eddie Redmayne out over the waves. 

There is a town choir that needs constant affirmation and so wanders the street asking if you can hear the people sing.

Les’ mom is constantly speaking in tautologies. She wanders around saying things like, “I dreamed a dream,” or “I ate a food,” and “The winner won,” and “Look at all these English in England”.

Admiral Russell Crowe is master of the house. This is because he lives alone, since he has control issues and does not know how to be truly vulnerable in any meaningful way necessary to foster a successful relationship. He is also very sad: this is a sad musical.

Eventually all these sad people come together under Les’ banner, and call themselves Les’ Miserables. The pun that is a testament to their leader and their heritage, a banner to rally under as they finally fight off the English oppressors. They think this is the way to end their misery, and it does for a while, but nationalism is full of empty promises of greatness and begets only more bloodshed and eventually they are miserable again.

Every year on the anniversary of the revolution they gather at Les’ and pretend to be happy and successful, each one-upping the other in turn. So they continue, building up their emotional walls and failing to recognize the misery stems from within and that if they would only let their friends in they might find true connection and finally stop being Les’ Miserables.