Saint Jerome playing with a lion instead of writing down God's very important words.

How To Write

On June 29th, 2016 in Humor

Start your computer your computer and sit at your desk.

Open the internet.  Start your favorite cloud service and open a doc. You use the cloud so you can work anywhere. You won’t work anywhere because you hate leaving the house, but you could.

Open Twitter. Reading is a warm up for writing. It puts you in the proper mindset of written communication. There are lots of words on Twitter for you to use to warm up.

You are warmed up now and can go to your word doc. Stare at it for about 5 seconds and stand up. Pace the room to think. Pace the hallway. Wander into the kitchen and clean the sink.  Doing menial tasks or nothing in particular frees the mind to wander so you can have good ideas for your writing.

Get back to your desk and write those ideas down. Move them to a folder and forget them all because no one cares about dish soap operas, and a short story about how a dish ran away with a spoon is too unbelievable to capture the popular imagination.

Free write to generate better ideas.  Now that you’ve tweeted a few funny thoughts go back to your writing tab.

Move your computer to the bed. You are writing and need to focus on writing. All your energy should be put towards the singular task of writing. Sitting up is a distraction you do not need to waste energy on right now.

Doze with your computer in your lap. The best ideas always come right as you’re about to fall asleep.

Write those great thoughts down. Quickly and easily pound out your 300 words and feel proud. Don’t forget to change your document name since they don’t actually anything to do with your current assignment, but they’ll probably make a great blog post or something.