King Arthur dancing with Guinevere.

How To Tell If You Are In An Arthurian Romance

On December 7th, 2016 in Humor

You receive conflicting messages about how you should not judge people on their looks, but all the ugly people you meet are that way because they are terrible sinners.

You’ve overslept and everyone has already left for the hunt.

You have a tenuous grasp of object permanence and aren’t convinced that when someone changes the color of their shield they are still the same person.

Wells appear for you to drape yourself over whenever you need a good cry.

If you’re a women, your life’s greatest flaws center on your ability to have children. Really all of your attributes do.

You only set foot in the forest because you’ve lost your mind or society has shunned you, never just to have a nice walk.

You cry because you’re heart broken.

Women are literally prizes to be won at a tournament.

Dude. A table with no corners will blow. Your. Mind.

Everything object you come across is trying to kill you.

Gossip travels to everyone’s ears except the king’s at speeds that suggest it would be useful for quantum computing.

You receive conflicting advice about finding your true love above all else, but also being a dutiful Christian spouse.

You want to teach morality but you are unsure how to do it in a way that doesn’t involve tricker or decapitation by sword.

You loudly parrot your king’s campaign slogan “might is not right”. You stitch it into red cloth and adorn your head with it. You where it to an event predicated on who can jam a stick further into a persons abdomen.

Your king really likes to collect soveneir cups.

Someone you know has had their life ruined by a boar.