A group of pidgeons in a puddle near some trash.

Friday Roundup

On June 3rd, 2016 in Quibbles

Hey y’all. You’re probably thinking because of the shortened holiday week that means the week was 20% less awful that it could have been, but actually the short week just means the same amount of garbage was crammed into a shorter amount of time.

People are often concerned with the surveillance state, but they’re forgetting in the age of the internet everyone anyone from the altright can make a plugin and track Jews. Welcome to the future, isn’t it horrific?

And even though #brand may occasionally take our side to fight Big Brother, as Sarah Jeong reminds us, Uber is just as interested in knowing about all your one night stands.

“Uber might have your back when it comes to government surveillance, but who has your back against Uber?”

Certainly not the rest of silicon valley.  They are all firmly standing by Peter Theil’s side against click bait trash.

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg applauded Theil for thinking differently, and innovating the judicial process to disrupt the market of constitutional law.

In an attempt to ingratiate itself with the cool kids Tribune Publishing has rebranded itself as Tronc. Which is what their grandkids told them was the new “in word”, but turns out they just made up.

They are going to be a “content curation and monetization company”, so it makes sense to  get a strong #brand to be #relateable to #millenials so your online #content is #clickable. Except it doesn’t because adblock use is up 90% from last year, so lolgoodluckwiththat.

But, it doesn’t matter because the planet is still dying and when the revolution comes for our summers it will take silicon valley with the rest of the upper class.

Though, I’m starting to wonder. Everyone is still just walking around like everything fine and I feel like I’m being gaslit. Maybe they really don’t know, though, because the government lost all its research.

Barring that there’s still my plan of launching myself off this planet, and if Congressman Louie Gohmert thinks that he is going to stop me he is dead wrong. I will do whatever it takes to get away from him and all the other straight people on this planet.

Some actual good news this week: Rich people finally solved shirts. But, I bet it still won’t fit my abnormally long torso.

And if you want to cry over something sad-beautiful instead of sad-awful for a change, read about how Frog and Toad were totally gay.

Well I’m going to at least pretend I’m somewhere besides this planet by listening to soothing space ship sounds. Happy weekend.