Fireflies Are Metal As Heck
On July 20th, 2016 in Humor
Their butts are chemical batch reactors. And, they do it with more effective light release than lightbulbs, but if you try and trap them in a jar to use them as a light source they will die just to spite you.
The primary chemical used is luciferin. As in lucifer a.k.a. the devil, who they worship while they listen to hardcore metal music.
They are so metal they produce poisonous steroids. That’s right they’re toxic AND swole.
The flashing ones only live in the east, screaming, unsolicited, about their superiority like true New Yorkers.
They are the size of a pen tip but they will eat snails that they paralyze with a bite, because they know the world was made for them.
Even their eggs glow because they are not afraid of anything. In fact, they hope they do so they can give them what-for.
Some fireflies don’t eat at all during their adult lives. They just accept that life is a brief flicker of existence and commit to making the most out of it and that means not wasting time cooking a sit down meal like a dang square.
They’re actually beetles so they are gay as heck.
Some females will mimic patterns of other species to lure their males in and eat them, because they require their steroids for self defense. Also sometimes just for fun, because feminism is hardcore as heck.
The males of that species will often pretend to be food just for the opportunity to get close enough to them to maybe have sex, which is some pretty metal role play.