A majestic stag on a rock with other deer inte he background.

Beard Care Tips

On August 18th, 2016 in Humor


Clear a glade with a hatchet and dig out all stumps but one, which you will stand on to ensure you receive the proper amount of sunlight required for beard growth.

Swaddle it in in flannel at night.

Drink coffee blacker than a night in the wilderness to promote growth.


Comb regularly with a  pitch fork.

Trim occasionally using only a lit match.

Climb to the top of a mountain and clean it with water fresh from the snowcaps.

For strong, healthy hair, wrestle stags. (TIP: If you do not have stags around you, large dogs are an acceptable substitute until you can move to where there are stags.)


Braids are a great way to tailor your look. Some may tell you braids are for teenage girls and hippies, but once your beard grows out it will cover your heart and shield your feelings from rude comments.