Middle age painting of man setting wheatfield on fire,

5 Productivity Tips To Be A Proactive Success

On February 17th, 2016 in Humor

1. Plan your meals for the week

And also the rest of your life. Pick your favorite dish for each meal and make that every day from now until your eventual demise. Now you don’t have to waffle over whether you want waffles or equivocate over how to prepare your eggplant tonight. Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t waste time on silly decisions like what shirt to wear or what to eat, and neither should you.

2. Ditch the coin jar

It is the year of our Lord twenty sixteen: do not save your coins. Do not even allow coins into the sanctuary of your personal space. Use your debit card, sign up for electronic toll collection, and auto-fill your metro card. If you have to pay in cash, throw your change in the nearest tip jar or donation bucket and smile smugly and with intense self-satisfaction. If you drop anything less than 10 cents on the ground do not even glance in its direction, instead stand up straighter and just keep walking. Value yourself and value your time.

3. Never make your bed

You are just going to ruin it later, and, unless your name is Sisyphus, there is no need to waste your energy on the unnecessary. If you are trying to make a good first impression on someone, throw the pillows against the headboard and pull the comforter over everything. There, your bed looks made. You will get all the praise and good feelings for a fraction of the work.

4. Limit your lawn care

Grass is a weed we have collectively decided looks pretty: let it live or die on it’s own merits. The greenery that replaces it will feel no different under the heel of your foot. Rake only enough leaves in the fall to keep your outside areas usable and free of infestations. If you are among the truly enlightened, and have let go of all attachments to your lawn area, torch and salt the earth. Surround your living area in a desolation. Dragons do not lose sleep over the state of their landscaping as they lounge among their immense personal wealth and neither should you.  

5. Have a filing system

Have a system in place so you know when someone hands you an important paper it already has a proper place: the trash. Remember, it is twenty. six. teen. If anyone hands you paperwork remind them of this, and tell them to act like it and send you a digital copy for your records. If they hesitate and timidly suggest “… by fax?” take the paper out of the trash and scan it yourself, these people have been in a bunker since the 80s and do not know what a computer is. If you are exchanging paperwork because you owe them: good news! You never have to pay them because the only way they know how to find and contact people is through a phone book. Change your address and sit back as they never spam your email looking for recompense.